This morning: Lament and thanks

Lament

This morning I woke up with a profound sense of grief and loss.

This morning I let myself grieve the loss of my pre-cancer life. I let myself grieve the loss of my pre-cancer body. I let myself grieve the loss of my pre-cancer hair.

This morning I let myself grieve the loss of my pre-coronavirus Covid-19 life. I let myself grieve the loss of being able to spend time with my family and friends.

This morning I let myself grieve all the losses.

This morning I let myself lament.

This morning I reached out to a friend for prayer. She responded with a written prayer. I read it and I prayed. Almost imperceptibly my focus shifted.

This morning I remembered the times I woke up with tears on my pillow as I waited for that first chemotherapy. That fear of the unknown. That visceral fear.

This morning I remembered the words that comforted me then:

“You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn
through the sleepless nights,
Each tear entered in your ledger,
each ache written in your book.

(Psalm 56, The Message)

This morning I pondered the meaning of these words. I am not a theologian but I believe God cares intimately for me and us and our suffering world. I believe God cares and remembers our sorrow as if he kept each tear in a bottle.

This morning I remembered that

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

(Revelation 21, NIV)

This morning I know I am loved.

This morning I know that ultimately all will be well.

Thanks

This morning I am feeling thankful for lament. I am feeling thankful I am able to able to connect with my grief and my loss.

This morning I am feeling thankful for my post-cancer life, my post-cancer body, my post-cancer hair.

This morning I am feeling thankful for my life.

This morning I am feeling thankful for life.

This morning I am feeling thankful to God, for his care and his love.

This morning I give thanks to God. Like a child with a loving parent I am held in his loving arms.

This morning.

7 thoughts on “This morning: Lament and thanks

  1. Julia what a great post. I’m going to reblog it ❤️ It’s too full of amazingly useful info not to mention your poignant ending. Thank you for putting so much work into this – what an endeavor.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Julia,
    This lament that turns to thanksgiving is poignant. It’s so honest and feels like an emptying of yourself and being filled by God’s comfort. I think your words will help others to be honest with their grief and feel some relief for acknowledging the many layers of loss.
    Thank you, Julia for helping me to be honest about the pain of loss and the knowledge that God takes notice and responds.
    Best to you,
    Connie

    Like

  3. Hi Julia,

    It’s so important to let yourself lament, to let yourself feel the losses, to let yourself grieve. To let yourself be real. And it’s important to let yourself do those things as often as you need to too, I might add.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Nancy, I posted it without reading it through and it was only when I read it through later today that I noticed that rather than writing ‘I grieved’ etc, I’d written I let myself grieve’ etc. I thought about that and realised I wrote I like that because it is active and ongoing rather than a one off X

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s