Book review: ‘My Super-Compact Self-Care Script’ by Neeta Oza

This little A-Z is a treasure of a book. It is an easy and light read. A book to read through and return to, to dip in and out of. Full of affirmation and tips about the hows and whys of self care. I love it.

In recent years I’ve worked in stressful roles and been a family carer. I know how important self-care is but I also know it’s not always easy. When I cared for other people at home and at work, I had a tendency to put my own need for care at the bottom of my to-do list. Then came my cancer diagnosis and treatments and I was forced to slow down. Now as mentioned in a previous blog I consider self-care ‘…a necessity rather than an optional extra’.

I need regular reminders to look after myself and ‘My Super-Compact Self-Care Script’ is perfect for this. Bite-sized gems like this one,

‘You have a precious Energy Tank within you, which is constantly being consumed every second of every day. Be super-conscious of where your energy is channelled and take time to allow solid refuelling time-just for you’ (p.11).

Being a ‘Super-Compact’ pocket sized book this is one that you can easily fit into a bag and take with you. I read mine on a train journey. Often good things come in small packages.

With many thanks to Hashtag Press who sent me ‘My Super-Compact Self-Care Script’ to review.

New Year Reflection, Review and Reset

I’m sitting outside on the penultimate morning of not only this year but this decade. It is cold so I’m wearing a coat, a hat and a scarf but the sky is a beautiful blue and the sun is shining, warming my face. My coffee cup warms my hands. I take a sip of my coffee; its rich flavour tastes good. I can hear birds singing and our neighbours saying their goodbyes to their Christmas visitors.

Right now life feels good.

I close my eyes.

It’s been about four months since I last spent time intentionally reflecting, reviewing and resetting and a lot has happened in that time. Sad times and happy times.

At the beginning of September our son had just moved in so we could care for him, and his dog, following surgery to fix a badly broken ankle. He couldn’t move much, had to keep his leg raised and was in pain. However, we got to spend precious time with him, and his girlfriend when she wasn’t working. I loved their chat, their laughter, their youthfulness. I loved getting to know their cheeky and energetic but sweet natured dog.

At the beginning of September we also heard the news of the death of a former colleague and friend of mine due to metastatic breast cancer. A couple of weeks later came the news of the decline in health of my auntie, again due to metastatic breast cancer. After everyone had visited to say goodbye she died. A few days later, at the beginning of October, another friend died. It’s hard to explain all my emotions. I’m still grieving but although it has been a time of deep heartache and grief it has also been a time of connectedness with others as we’ve celebrated and remembered our loved ones. I’m thankful for our reciprocal support. I’m also thankful for the support of relative strangers.

One day I felt overwhelmed with grief, fatigue and pain but somehow struggled to my exercise class. I knew I needed to be with other people but my body felt completely broken. Not surprisingly the others noticed and a few came over. I found myself tearing up and telling them all how much I hate cancer. They enveloped me with their care, encouraged me to do what I could and a couple of them invited me out for coffee and a sandwich. I felt loved.

After our son had been given the okay to start moving and weight bearing again he was able to return to his home. Our lives resumed their usual pattern, we caught up with friends, enjoyed a few outings and spent time with family and friends. We were able to visit our daughter and son-in-law to see them in their new (to them) home and we also visited one of our favourite places, North Norfolk.

I’m sure there is a psychological element to pain and this is one of the reasons why self care is so important to me, which includes discussing any concerns with my medical team. As the autumn progressed my migraines and pain became worse and worse. I met someone recently diagnosed with metastatic cancer who urged me to get checked, so after some procrastination I phoned my medical team who arranged a couple of scans. Thankfully I didn’t have to wait long for my results. I received the latest news on Christmas Eve, four years to the day that I felt my lump, that my bone scan did not show any signs of metastatic disease. I’m so relieved (although it breaks my heart that other people have not had good news recently) …

These are just some of the things that have been going on in our lives since September. Looking back has given me a new perspective about this time. In the midst of all life’s difficulties (and I’m aware that other people have it worse) there has been fun and rejoicing for which I’m thankful.

The New Year is often a time to rest and take stock; to reflect, review and make resolutions and pray but these are things you can do at any time of the year. Any day can be the beginning of your new year.

There is need to wait if there are changes you want to make. One approach that I have found helpful to discern direction is to look back over a period of time and review everything that has happened. Then I reflect on what brings energy and what drains me and from there I am able to discern and make more space and time for the things that bring me energy.

I am not one for making New Years resolutions, but as I go forward into the new year I will continue with good habits, being grateful and practising gratitude. I will continue being open to change, new experiences and new people in my life. During the last few weeks I’ve been discerning a word for myself for the year ahead. This year my word is courage.

Christmas Tree

I love our tradition of going out to find our Christmas tree. We get all wrapped up in winter coats, hats, gloves and scarves before going out to find ‘the one’. I love bringing the tree home, putting it up, getting the boxes of decorations down from the loft and decorating it as I play Christmas music and enjoy a glass of wine.

We decorate our Christmas trees with decorations we’ve collected and made over the years. The decorations are meaningful to us because of the memories they evoke.

The star we made out of a coat hanger and silver foil for our first Christmas tree reminds us of our first home. The bear reminds us of a family holiday. The decorations our children made remind us of their childhood years.

Family traditions can help create a sense of connectedness between people and through time. They change and evolve as our circumstances change and people come and go but through them we have a link from the past, to the present, to the future. One generation to the next providing a sense of continuity.

When I was having cancer treatment, I couldn’t do many of the things I used to do in the Advent season leading up to Christmas but I found some of our family traditions over the festive season anchored me. Even though our lives had been completely changed that year and our lives were far from normal our traditions gave us a semblance of normality.

During my treatment my husband started collecting Lego from the 1970s and 1980s to make trains, then soldering circuit boards and programming them on his 1980s computer so he could run trains under the Christmas tree. A new tradition!

You may have your own traditions during the Christmas season and other times of the year that you have found helpful.

I wish you well during this festive season and hope you experience some of the hope, joy and peace the story of Christmas brings but as we all know it can be a difficult time for many reasons. Please look out for others. Show them you care. If you’re struggling remember many people care, reach out for help from a family member or friend, or people in your community or neighbourhood. If you’re alone or feeling lonely check out Sarah Millican‘s invitation to use the hashtag #joinin on Twitter to chat and connect with others on Christmas Day.

You can find a list of organisations with helplines that are open and offer support in the U.K. over Christmas from ITVs This Morning and for those who specifically need cancer support I’ve noticed Macmillan Cancer Support‘s helpline is also open.

(Updated 23/12/2019)

Self-care on a budget

Several weeks ago I wondered on Twitter what other people do to relax that doesn’t cost any (or much) money. I had some wonderful responses, thank you to all those who replied and shared.

These are some of the things you said you do to relax:

Have a cup of tea

Bake, cook and try new recipes (borrow cookery books)

Have a hot bath (Or shower)

Listen to podcasts

Listen to the radio

Read

Visit a library (To borrow books, audio books, digital books, dvds, jigsaw puzzles. To go on courses, to have computer/internet access, groups, do jigsaw puzzles, read newspapers. (They are also somewhere warm to go in the colder months)).

Visit art galleries

Enter online competitions

Declutter, rearrange and tidy.

Calligraphy

Write

Draw

Knit

Sew

Online selling/business

Play with pets

Learn something new

Walk (By ourselves, with others, with pets in the countryside and parks to spend time in nature and notice the changing seasons, to take photos).

Have sex

Go cold water/wild swimming

Perhaps use this as an ideas list and have a go at something different?

Please add any other ideas to the comments! Thank you x